How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
