I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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