I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
