The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She needs sedatives and a leash
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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