I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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