At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
