but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
