did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
