My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
