help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
