Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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