So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize