a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
