new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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