This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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