my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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