This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
