I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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