I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
