i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
