I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
