i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
