My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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