i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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