Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
