i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
