On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
