I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The ass gains better be worth it
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