Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
