If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
one two three fourrrrnication!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
