Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
