I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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