Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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