You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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