For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize