What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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