So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
