put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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