I bet he comes in French.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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