Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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