I just threw up on my dentist
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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