Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
