Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
