eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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