You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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