I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
