Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
