Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
