one word: firstdatebathroomanal
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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