i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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