i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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