if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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