Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
