for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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