i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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