that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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