I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
