capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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