well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
