was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
