If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
