My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I love having hate sex.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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