I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
