FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
