it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
