I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
