There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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