shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize