You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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