We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
