My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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