Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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