mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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